


Light

by fambamweekly



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: 96 line - Freeform, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Crying, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Hyung line, Leader line, Lee Jihoon | Woozi-centric, Non AU, Protectiveness, Stressed Lee Jihoon | Woozi, could be seen as ships or platonic bros, every other member is briefly mentioned, vernon has like one line
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-29
Updated: 2019-11-01
Packaged: 2021-01-08 04:34:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21229889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fambamweekly/pseuds/fambamweekly
Summary: "I'm sorry...but I can't do this anymore..."In which Jihoon has enough of the pressure placed upon him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo I meant for this story to go in whooole different direction... but this is what it came out to be! Set when Seventeen went to Los Angeles!

Sighing for what seemed like the hundredth time in an hour, Jihoon leaned back into his chair, closing his eyes in frustration. They were currently on “vacation” in Los Angeles, but it didn’t seem that way to Jihoon, who was stuck holed in his studio for the past few days they were here. Looking at twitter and instagram, he smiled bitterly at the pictures of his members enjoying their time on their vacation while he was unluckily isolated in his own bubble of misery.

Taking a few deep breaths in, Jihoon could feel the beginnings of tears swell up in the corners of his eyes. 

“ARRRGGGG.”

Frustrated with himself and in anger, he screamed out helplessly in his studio. Clenching his hands into fists, he tried to quell the feelings of jealousy, of anger, of frustration, of the guilt he had bottled inside him. To say that this was his first breakdown was a lie. Sadly, he’s experienced more than he should have at his age, but he could usually get through it with the member’s faces and happiness in his mind. However, this time, it wasn’t helping. Picturing his members actually made him even more angrier. He was mad and a bit jealous that they were able to take this vacation and be free while he was stuck doing all the work, working hard for their success. He knew he shouldn’t feel this way, that the members were always there to help him and encourage him if needed and that they were working hard in their own ways to prepare for their comeback, but Jihoon felt like he was doing most of the work and the burden that weighed him down seemed heavier than normal. 

What made it worse was that ever since he announced that he was going to be in the studio to work on their comeback, no one has come to check on him. Jihoon often forgot to eat, too lost in the making of music to be hungry, however back in Korea, there would always be a member who would pop in from time to time to bring him food or force him to take a break. In Los Angeles, it was a totally different story.

Jihoon remembered that one time, he had come out from his studio early in the morning to brush his teeth and freshen up a bit, when he saw Wonwoo and Jisoo in the kitchen.

Jihoon brightened up at seeing his members since he had stayed in his studio the whole day before.

“Hey guys,” Jihoon said, walking over to where they were sitting.

“Hi Jihoon,” Jisoo lifted his head in acknowledgement before returning his attention back onto his phone. 

“Hey Ji,” Wonwoo too lifted his head and smiled before looking back at Jisoo’s phone. Jihoon stood awkwardly for a bit in front of the kitchen table where they sat before Jisoo broke the silence.

“Oh hey, I found it!”

“Oh you did? Let’s go! I’ll go get Seokmin and Hansol. Bye Jihoon.”

“Bye Ji.”

Jihoon stood there, shocked and confused as Jisoo and Wonwoo stormed behind him, yelling Seokmin and Hansol’s names. Trying to brush off the hurt he felt, he trudged back into his studio, his mission at hand of going inside forgotten as he locked himself back in his cage and started to work again.

Later, while looking through instagram and twitter, he had actually found that the little group had gone to IHop to eat breakfast. Saddened that they hadn’t asked him to come along, he turned off his phone and worked the rest of the day with no breaks.

Feeling a headache rise up for the upteenth time that day, Jihoon stood from his chair, the frustration finally getting to him.

_ I’m done. I can’t do this anymore. _

This wasn’t the first time Jihoon had such a thought. Usually, he would be able to convince himself otherwise of the fact, but today, he was just_ so tired. _ He was tired of the members treating him like he was glass whenever their comeback was nearing, he was tired of the lashing outs that he would do at his innocent members who did nothing, he was just tired. He wanted everything to be perfect, but nothing was and it was frustrating him. He felt useless, but then he felt angry at his members for not helping, and then he felt angry at himself for thinking that way, and it was all just becoming too much.

Sitting back in his chair, feeling incredibly alone, he contemplated on the matter once more.

~~~~~ 

The members all returned from their activities that afternoon. Jisoo and Jeonghan were in the kitchen with Chan and Minghao who were all preparing food for dinner that night. In the living room sat the rest of the members at various spots and positions. Mingyu, Seungcheol, and Hansol sat in front of the t.v. playing a soccer game. Seungkwan and Seokmin were playing a game on Seungkwan’s phone. The 96 liners, Soonyoung, Wonwoo, and Jun (minus Jihoon), sat in a mini circle, talking about their vacation and about other plans they were making.

“Guys, food is ready!” Jeonghan called out. “Seungkwan, Seokmin, come set up the table.”

Groans were let out as Seungkwan reluctantly turned off his phone and stood up, dragging Seokmin up who tried to make his body as heavy as he could so he didn’t have to move. As they headed towards the kitchen, Jisoo also poked his head out and asked the remaining members,

“Can one of you call Jihoon too? He’s been in his studio all day.”

“Again?” Seungcheol asked surprised.

“It’s vacation! He needs to live a little.” Hansol absentmindedly said.

Soonyoung and Seungcheol frowned but it was Wonwoo who spoke up.

“Hansol, you can’t just say that. You know how hard he’s working for our next comeback.”

“I bet he really wants to go out, but he just can’t.” Jun added, frowning slightly.

Hansol looked down, frowning guilty.

“I didn’t mean it like that, I’m sorry. I know how hard he works. It just sucks that he can’t even enjoy his vacation.”

Soonyoung sighed and gave Hansol a small smile.

“It’s alright. Just think about what you’re about to say before you speak. I’ll go and get him.”

Soonyoung got up from his position on the floor and headed up to Jihoon’s studio room.

Knocking on the door slightly as to not startle the producer who may be working, Soonyoung called out softly, “Jihoon?”

Not surprised at the lack of response, Soonyoung knocked a little louder before turning the doorknob to open the studio. Peering inside the pitch black room, Soonyoung frowned and slid his hand across the wall to try and find the light switch. Opening the lights, Soonyoung was shocked to see the room was void of any presence, or really anything. The machines were all there but the usual papers and computers that scattered the table that belonged to Jihoon were all gone. It was like he had never set foot in there. Confused and growing a bit worried, Soonyoung closed the lights and door and headed back down to the living room.

By that time, the table had been set up and almost all the members were settled. Seungcheol looked up at Soonyoung as he entered the room.

“Where’s Jihoon?” Seungcheol asked, expecting to see Jihoon come in after Soonyoung.

“I don’t know.” Soonyoung said, now worried. Panicking a little, he explained the situation. “I walked inside the room and Jihoon wasn’t there. But that’s not the weird part. All of his stuff is gone. The equipment and all are still there but everything that belonged to Jihoon are _ gone _. It’s like he never stepped in that room.” 

“Jihoon hyung was kidnapped??”

“Idiot, I’m pretty sure he wasn’t kidnapped. Why would they take the time to clean up Jihoon’s studio room?

“You think he ran away?”

“You think he went back to Korea without us?”

“Maybe he’s going to another meeting?”

“It’s vacation! Plus CEO-nim promised no contact unless it was an emergency!”

Seeing the growing panic in his dongsaengs faces and he himself feeling a chill in his back of the revelation, Seungcheol stood up and stated,

“I’ll go look for him. He might have gone out for some fresh air. Soon, sit down, and the rest of you guys can start eating.”

“No, I’m coming with you hyung. I have to make sure he’s okay.” Soonyoung stared resolutely.

Seeing his determined face and knowing he won’t be able to change anything, Seungcheol sighed.

“Alright fine. But only you,” he said, staring at the other members who were about to stand up and follow. 

“Let me go too. I know the roads better than the both of you and I want to find him too.” Jisoo reasoned as he stood up from his seat. 

Nodding at his reasoning, Seungcheol said, “Alright, but that’s all!”

Complaints started to fill the air when Seungcheol raised his hand.

“Nope. The rest of you try not to worry. Soonyoung, Jisoo, and I will come back with Jihoon, I promise.” And with that, Soonyoung and Seungcheol left, leaving behind a group of worried members.

~~~~~

Jisoo, Seungcheol and Soonyoung stood outside for a while, thinking of where to start. It was 6 and they knew they only had a couple of hours to search for him before it got too dark to navigate their way back to the hotel.

“Hyuung, what should we do? Where should we go first? Where would he have gone?” Soonyoung looked like he was on the verge of tears.

“First, we are going to stay calm. Come on Soon, I know you’re stressed but we need to get ourselves together so we can find Jihoon. And we will find him alright.” Seungcheol stated evenly even though he was also on the verge of panicking.

“We’re going to find him, Youngie. We will.” Jisoo said sincerely.

Soonyoung took a deep breath.

“Okay. Let’s do this. Let’s go bring Jihoon home.”

“Alright. Let’s start with the places closer to here where he might have gone…” Jisoo said, directing them into the right direction.

It was soon close to 8 and the sun was already going down. At this point, Soonyoung already had a mini breakdown and Seungcheol and Jisoo themselves could feel the tears of frustration and worriedness inside of them about to spill.

Reaching their endpoint and seeing how it was about to get too dark to search more, they started to head back with a defeated aura. Seungcheol pulled out his phone to call their manager and inform him about not being able to find Jihoon, even just the fact that they had lost Jihoon in the first place, not having done so earlier due to the fact that he thought they were going to be able to find him.

After getting an earful and telling them to go back to the hotel and the managers would look into it, they arrived shortly back to their hotel. They both didn’t want to face their members worriedness and disappointment when they found out they couldn’t find him.

~~~~~

It was after 10 when the three of them reached back to their hotel. Knowing it was still early enough that the members would still be waiting up to await their arrival, the three slowly trudged up the stairs towards their hotel door. They were reluctant to enter as they didn’t want to face their members’ disappointed faces.

Opening the door, Seungcheol peered in, seeing the living room surprisingly void of any presence. The kitchen light was still on however, and so Seungcheol walked over to check who was in it. Before he reached the kitchen opening however, a figure stepped out.

Seungcheol was only a bit startled, only reacting in a step back from when Jeonghan first appeared.

“Oh it’s just you,” Seungcheol whispered, after lifting his hand up to his heavily beating heart from the surprise.

“Yeah, it’s me. I put the kids to bed early. Some of them are probably still up though.”

“That’s fine,” Seungcheol said tiredly, looking at him with defeat in his eyes.

Noticing it, Jeonghan let out a sad smile, refraining from asking any questions as he could clearly see the disappointment in his members eyes.

“You guys should go get some sleep as well. We’ll continue to look for him along with the managers tomorrow morning.” Jeonghan said quietly.

“No!” Soonyoung suddenly yelled. “We have to find him today! We have to find him now! What if he’s out there? What if he’s lost? What if he’s… alone…” Soonyoung’s voice dwindled down after the realization of multiple possibilities. Coming to the realization that Jihoon  _ had _ been alone these past few days made him suddenly burst out into tears.

“Hyung… Jihoon… was so alone…he was alone I’m such...such a bad friend…why???” Soonyoung sobbed. Startled by his sudden outburst, Jeonghan was quick to console his member.

Gathering up Soonyoung in his arms, he shushed the poor boy as he rocked him back and forth, saying things like, “it wasn’t only you, it was all of us”, “it’s not your fault”, “we were all at fault,” while trying to stop the tears gathering in his eyes from falling at his own realization.

Jisoo and Seungcheol looked at each other, each with guilt-ridden eyes from their lack of attention to how Jihoon was kept by himself for most of their duration of the trip.

“We’re usually better than this,” Seungcheol quietly stated, eyes dropping to the floor in front of him.

“I was so caught up in being back home, I forgot about those I cared about...Jihoonie… oh my gosh,” Jisoo’s eyes welled up with tears once more, this time he did nothing about it as his tears started to fall down.

“I’m sorry Jihoon… I’m so sorry. Please be safe. Oh please. Please come back. I need to tell—to tell you I need” The hyungs hearts broke hearing Soonyoung’s broken cries, each now unable to hold back their own tears.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhhh thank you to you all that have read and kudos-d from chapter 1!! especially my commenters, shout out to ya'll ;) much love and appreciation to everyone though <3 and to those who are reading this now, thank you for coming along :) hope ya'll like the ending!!

One of the bedroom doors opened and the four members in the living room assumed it was one of their dongsaengs coming out to confront them on the situation. They all readied themselves for the look of disappointment on their member's face, or faces depending on how many of them that were coming out, but one by one as they looked up to see who was there, they froze in shock.

“What are you guys yelling about? There are other people in the building and on this floor trying to sleep you know?”

“Jihoon?” Seungcheol whispered, tears stopping as his confused eyes lifting up to stare into the other boys bagged eyes.

“What? Can you guys just be quiet so I can go back to sleep?” Jihoon, already turning around, muttered bitterly, cranky from being woken up from his sleep. Stepping away to head back into his bedroom, Jihoon led out a surprised yelp as he felt a full bodily figure crash into him from behind, causing him to fall down with the person’s arms behind him wrapped around his waist into a full blown back hug.

“Jihoon! Jihoon. Jihoonie. Oh my gosh. Jihoon.” Soonyoung continued to mutter incessantly like a prayer as he clung onto Jihoon for dear life. His body sagged with relief, causing his full body weight to weigh down Jihoon who laid beneath him.

“Arg! Soonyoung! What are you doing, get off of me!” Jihoon said, confused as he struggled to escape from underneath the boy.

Soonyoung only held tighter, tears free falling onto the younger boy’s neck as he started to sob.

Jihoon stopped struggle when he felt something wet fall onto his neck.

“...Soonyoung?” Jihoon said worriedly as he tried to crane his neck to see his face more clearly, however Soonyoung’s only response was to cry harder, burying his face into Jihoon’s shoulder.

Confused and really worried, he looked up to the other members for help when he saw that Jisoo was now sat on the couch, body sagged into himself as tears continued falling from his face. Seungcheol was now on the floor, having dropped from relief after seeing Jihoon and was now staring at their position with such a relieved look on his face. Jeonghan stood at the same place he had before, staring at the scene in shock and disbelief.

“...um guys? What’s going on? What is it? Why are they crying?” Jihoon asked, directing it towards Seungcheol who kept staring at him.

Tears sprung up into Seungcheol’s eyes, startling Jihoon once more when he lurched forward to hug Jihoon over Soonyoung.

“Jihoon! Oh thank the lord.”

Jihoon grunted as he felt the added weight on top of him.

“Hyung! Get off of me, you guys are heavy! What is going on?! Jeonghan hyung?!”

Jeonghan snapped out of his trance as he looked at the scene in mixed expressions. When he focused his glance on Jihoon, his expression turned into one of relief and amusement, wiping his eyes a bit as he went over to pull the other two off.

“Alright guys, get off and let him explain. Come on.”

“Explain what,” Jihoon muttered gruffly, breathing clearer as the weight and pressure was lifted off. Not fully sated however, Soonyoung was quick to pull Jihoon into his lap, holding him tightly from behind.

“What is going on?” Jihoon exasperatedly exclaimed, not having to energy to question or pull himself out of Soonyoung’s arms, instead sinking into them instead.

The three oldest members situated themselves into a small circle around Jihoon. Jisoo, who had been on the couch previously, now sat beside Jihoon. He reached to hold the younger’s hand. Looking at Jisoo in confusement at the skinskip, he however didn’t pull away after seeing the outright sincerity and gratitude in his eyes. Looking away, he again addressed them as no one had answered,

“Why are you guys acting like this? Why were you guys crying? Is everyone okay? Are you guys okay? Someone tell me right now what is going on.” Jihoon stated firmly.

Everyone suddenly became quiet as they didn’t know where to start now that they had Jihoon right in front of them.

“Fine. Don’t tell me. I’m going back to sleep.” Jihoon sighed tiredly, moving his arms to push himself out of Soonyoung’s barricade.

“No!” Soonyoung stated firmly, pulling Jihoon back into his arms. “You can’t leave me. Not again.”

“Again? What do you mean leave you?” Jihoon asked confusedly, eyebrows scrunched together.

Soonyoung stayed silent, opting to just squeeze Jihoon closer and burying his face into his shoulder like before.

The 95 liners looked at each other when Seungcheol finally looked at Jihoon and started to explain.

~~~~~

“You guys went through all of that and you didn’t even bother to check my bedroom first?” Jihoon asked after Seungcheol was finished telling him all that had happened.

Jihoon could see the three members looking at each other sheepishly and knew that Soonyoung was also embarrassed as he placed his forehead to his shoulder.

“It kind of slipped our mind after we checked your studio. You’re usually in there and not in your bedroom so we kind of assumed.” Seungcheol said as he ran his hand over his neck in embarrassment.

“Well yeah. I got stressed and wanted a change of scenery so I decided to clean up, put all my stuff away to bring to my room and work there. After a bit, I wanted to take a break and decided to take a nap but then I ended up sleeping. No one was in the hotel room at the time so. I was planning on coming out for dinner but I wasn’t really hungry and plus the hotel was really quiet so I thought you guys all left to go eat somewhere or something.”

“If we went out to eat, we would’ve brought you with us Jihoon!” Jisoo exclaimed, hurt that Jihoon thought they would’ve gone for a group dinner without him.

Jihoon looked away as he muttered, “Yeah right,” now remembering the resentment he felt from before back in his studio.

“...what?” Seungcheol asked, looking at Jihoon.

Jihoon’s hurt face was clearly shown however he tried to avoid his members glances as he pointedly looked anywhere but their faces.

“Nothing,” he muttered tiredly.

“Jihoon.” Soonyoung spoke up for the first time since he had grabbed back onto Jihoon. He let go of Jihoon and bodily spun him around so that they were facing each other. He grabbed onto Jihoon’s chin and slightly tilted it up so they were looking into each other’s eyes.

“You thought we would just leave you and have dinner without asking you to come with us? Why would you think this way?” Soonyoung asked, imploringly looking over every inch of his face.

Jihoon shrugged nonchalantly.

“I know you guys know I have been busy these days in the studio and you have been hanging with each other without me, which is fine! It’s fine…”

Jihoon trailed off, eyes dropping back down to the floor but everyone in the room knew he was lying.

Gently but firming, Soonyoung tilted Jihoon’s chin so that they were looking directly into his eyes. Soonyoung tried to express his feelings from both his eyes and the words he was about to speak.

“It is not fine so stop acting like it is. Don’t give me that bull. It was wrong of us to ignore you when you’re the one working so so hard for us this comeback.”

Jihoon bashfully tried to look away but the grip on his chin tightened.

“No. Listen. We shouldn’t have treated you like that. You have the right to be mad. I am so so sorry we made you feel that way. I promise we’ll do better. You deserve so much more than us, Jihoonie. You deserve so much more. I’m so sorry”

Tears welled up in both Soonyoung and Jihoon’s eyes as Soonyoung expressed his apologies. As Soonyoung pulled him into an embrace, Jihoon freely let out all the tears and stress he had feeling as of that moment. Feeling like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders, he raised his hands up to grip onto the front of Soonyoung’s shirt. He felt like a child but the thought went away as Soonyoung started to rock the two of them, petting his hair and giving him forehead kisses as he murmured repeated apologies, tears falling down gently from his face. Jihoon was startled by a hand that started to rub his back, but relaxed against the touch and motion that lulled him into a deeper sense of security and peace.

“Jihoonie... hyung is so sorry for treating you like that. You’re so strong and brave, for having to deal with all of us and this alone. I’m so sorry, you shouldn’t have had to deal with that. Your hyungs are here now, it’s going to be okay. We won’t make this mistake again.”

Jisoo softly stated, while continuing the calming motions of his back rub. Seungcheol and Jeonghan had then moved closer to the mini-circle, next to Jisoo and Soonyoung with Jihoon in the middle.

“We’ll be better hyungs.”

“We’re so sorry Jihoon.”

Jihoon had then stopped crying and raised his head up to glance at his hyungs surrounding him. Seungcheol couldn’t help but ruffle the younger’s head as he looked so cute, even though his eyes were red from crying. Jeonghan reached over to wipe the remaining tears off of the younger’s face. Looking around to the circle around him, he gave a tentative smile and relaxed further in Soonyoung’s arms as he slightly closed his eyes and sighed.

_ It’s going to be okay. _

~~~~~

The next morning…

Jihoon glared at the members around him as they were about to get seated around the table to eat breakfast.

“Hey, I wanna sit next to Jihoon, hyung!”

“Too bad, I got here first. Plus, Jihoon likes me more!”

“I’m older than the both of you, therefore, I get to sit next to Jihoonie. So move, Soonyoung.”

“No!”

Jihoon groaned, regretting everything as he felt a surging headache appear. Taking a seat first, he felt someone sat down next to him and across from him. Looking up, he saw the sneaky and triumphant looks on Wonwoo’s and Jun’s face.

Rolling their eyes, the three of them looked at the three, now four, members who were still arguing and haven’t yet noticed that the seats were already taken.

“Guys, stop arguing and sit down so we can start eating!” Mingyu scolded as he set down the last plate of food on the table and moved to sit next to Wonwoo. As the rest of the members started to pile in and sit down, the three eldest members and Soonyoung looked over in surprise to see that the seats they were fighting over were now taken, and the only seats now available were the ones farthest from Jihoon. Jihoon looked over and smirked at their disappointed expressions as they shuffled over to their seats with mumbled complaints.

Sighing a breath of relief from the embarrassment of his hyungs, he settled down more comfortably. As everyone began eating their food, Jihoon included, he was suddenly interrupted by Wonwoo’s chopsticks, hovering in front of his face. Looking over in confusion, Wonwoo simply shoved his chopsticks further towards his mouth, gesturing for him to open up. In his moment of confusion, he opened his mouth to take the food from his chopsticks.

“Yah! Jihoon can eat by himself, Jeon Wonwoo!” Soonyoung shouted from the end, who saw the action and desperately wanted to be in his position.

Jun saw this opportunity to tease his hyungs and Soonyoung even more by grabbing food from the center of the table, and adding it onto Jihoon’s plate.

“Eat up Jihoon, you need your strength for today!”

Feeling overwhelmed and really embarrassed but grateful, he shot his friends a small smile.

“Thanks guys.” Jihoon, embarrassed, tucked his head down and started to eat as Wonwoo and Jun cooed over the cuteness of their friend.

At the other end of the table, groans of jealousy and discontentment were heard.

Jihoon smiled to himself as he looked over at all the members at the table. He knew there were still things they needed to work out, but as he listened to the arguments around him and of the conversations and gentle teasing, he knew that he would be able to get through anything with his members by his side

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah I can't write sad stuff for shhhiiiz. It was meant to go down a darker road but I know I wouldn't have been able to do it without crying. even though I did actually end up tearing up a bit writing this version... LOL so here it is! leader line and hyung line and most importantly and above all, 96 line are !!! hope you guys liked it! let me know what you guys think or if ya'll cried too?? let's cry together. comments and kudos are love ~<3


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